


Lostmyhead

by Enochianess



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Foreshadowing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-16 03:12:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18086369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enochianess/pseuds/Enochianess
Summary: Eliott doesn't remember the last time he felt this amazing, this happy, this... euphoric. It's like he can take on the world, do anything, an endless number of opportunities and possibilities just waiting for him to take them. There's a nagging thought at the back of his mind, something worrying, but he pushes against it, keeps it trapped in the recesses of his mind because... what is the alternative? He doesn't want to lose this feeling. He doesn't want to lose Lucas.or: Eliott is starting to feel the effects of being off his meds, but won't accept it





	Lostmyhead

**Author's Note:**

> I've based Eliott's thought process on my own pre-bipolar episode, so if it doesn't resonate with you, I accept that, all of us have different experiences with mental illnesses, but basing it on personal experience was just the easiest way for me to write it.

[Track: Lostmyhead - The 1975](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oyhxw8cFt0U) 

His hair smells like apples - that's the first thought that pops into Eliott's mind when Lucas tucks his head beneath Eliott's chin. Eliott wraps his arms around him and rocks him a little side to side. He feels his phone buzz in his pocket, but he ignores it. He knows who it'll be - one of three people, all of whom he has no interest in speaking to right now. The only person he wants to speak to, who he wants to be with, is in his arms. No one else really matters. No one else has mattered for a long time.

Eliott doesn't remember the last time he felt this amazing, this happy, this... euphoric. It's like he can take on the world, do anything, an endless number of opportunities and possibilities just waiting for him to take them. There's a nagging thought at the back of his mind, something worrying, but he pushes against it, keeps it trapped in the recesses of his mind because... what is the alternative? He doesn't want to lose this feeling. He doesn't want to lose Lucas. He doesn't want to lose a single element of this new life he has found for himself.

Besides, he's doing fine. Better than fine. He's doing  _amazing._

Anyone can see that he's better now, that all those problems are just lingering in the past, haunting but no longer causing any suffering. He won't have to deal with any of them now. He has Lucas and he's happy and that's all that matters.

"We should do something," Eliott says, rubbing large circles into Lucas' back. 

"Like what?"

"I dunno, just go out. Maybe, we could go back to the bridge, have our first kiss all over again."

Lucas leans back to peer up at Eliott's face, a soft smile on his face. "It's raining."

"It was then too," Eliott says.

Lucas shakes his head with a laugh. "I'd love to, but I have homework to do. Don't you? You have exams coming up, right?"

"I'm not worrying about that right now."

Lucas rolls his eyes and steps back into Eliott's embrace. "Okay, so lets go lie down and take a nap. I'm exhausted."

 

Later, when Lucas is dozing against Eliott's chest, Eliott finally opens his messages. He immediately wishes that he hadn't. 

Lucille  
  
**Today** 08:15  
Have you taken your meds?  
  
**Today** 14:34  
Eliott, I'm not kidding around

  
Your parents are worried. I'm worried. Stop this mess before you get hurt  
**Today** 15:12  
Please Eliott, I just want to help you

He wishes that he could be left alone. Why won't she leave him the fuck alone? He's fine. Everything is fine. He doesn't need the meds anymore because he's doing fine.

He's always hated the things. They change him. Make him numb. Stop him from feeling anything other than hollow, hollow, hollow.

He drops his phone onto the floor beside the sofa and turns to curl around Lucas. He looks down at his peaceful, sleeping face and it settles something within him. He can do this. He's going to be just fine. Lucas is perfect and together they're perfect and nothing is going to ruin that.

But still, that nagging at the back of his mind asking him what the fuck it is that he's doing.

"Everything is fine," he mumbles, pressing his nose into Lucas' flop of hair to settle himself.

The problem is that he's been down this road before, and he's aware of it, aware that he's being stupid and that he can't win against his demons, but still he can't bring himself to listen to reason. He wants to ride this wave for as long as he can. It'll be worth the fall. Nothing has felt this good before, this right, and if it all comes crashing down around him then at least he would have had this. This... bliss.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it, please leave kudos and/or comments!
> 
> Come find me @MaxenceSource on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/maxencesource/), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MaxenceSource) and [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-_99lS6mcwLDwbXqALgenw)


End file.
